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Courtroom Testimony

> Courtroom Testimony
> These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts of
> America, and are things people actually said in court,
> word for word, taken down and now published by court
> reporters that had the torment of staying calm while
> these exchanges were actually taking place.
> ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
> WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
> ______________________________
> ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
> WITNESS: July 18th.
> ATTORNEY: What year?
> WITNESS: Every year.
> _____________________________________
> ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the
> impact?
> WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
> ______________________________________
> ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect
> your memory at all?
> ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your
> memory?
> WITNESS: I forget.
> ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of
> something you forgot?
> _____________________________________
> ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with
> you?
> WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't
> remember which.
> ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
> WITNESS: Forty-five years.
> _____________________________________
> ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said
> to you that morning?
> WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
> ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
> WITNESS: My name is Susan.
> ______________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been
> involved in voodoo?
> WITNESS: We both do.
> ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
> WITNESS: We do.
> ATTORNEY: You do?
> WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
> ______________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a
> person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it
> until the next morning?
> WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
> ___________________________________
> ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old,
> how old is he?
> WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one...
> ________________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was
> taken?
> WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
> ______________________________________
> ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby)
> was August 8th?
> ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
> WITNESS: Uh....
> ______________________________________
> ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
> ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
> WITNESS: None.
> ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
> ______________________________________
> ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
> WITNESS: By death.
> ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
> ______________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
> WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a
> beard.
> ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
> ______________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning
> pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your
> attorney?
> WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to
> work.
> ______________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have
> you performed on dead people?
> WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead
> people.
> ______________________________________
> ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What
> school did you go to?
> WITNESS: Oral.
> ______________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined
> the body?
> WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
> ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
> WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering
> why I was doing an autopsy on him!
> _____________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
> ______________________________________
> ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy,
> did you check for a pulse?
> ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
> ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
> ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient
> was alive when you began the autopsy?
> ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
> WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk
> in a jar.
> ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been
> alive, nevertheless?
> WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have
> been alive and practicing law somewhere.

Re: Courtroom Testimony

The last is the best, thanks.

Re: Courtroom Testimony

Best laugh I have had in several weeks. Thanks for the post.

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